Maine Shoppers: How Long Will That Panic-Bought Toilet Paper Last?

It felt like 2020 at Sam's the other day.

I remember a time back in late March of 2020, and my wife and I made a trip to Sam's for supplies. There was a woman coming down the aisle dragging two carts behind her. Both carts were overflowing with cases of toilet paper. There had to be a dozen cases between both. A staffer stopped the person in their tracks and basically took one of the carts back, which led to a lot of yelling and screaming... over toilet paper.

Read More: In Maine You don't Need to Toss Out Expired Pandemic Toilet Paper 

Now, thanks to the recent scare that all ports up and down the East Coast were going on strike, people once again went bananas buying up toilet paper. To the point where, once again, the TP shelves were basically a shadow of their former selves. Or shelves, as the case may be, haha.

Now that the danger seems over, how long will it take you to go through it all?

It would seem, that for now, the strike is off the table. But now you might be sitting (feel free to add an H) around staring at cases and cases of toilet paper. You may have even asked yourself the existential question, "How long will it take to use all this TP?" Luckily, we live in the days of the internet.

Thanks to the fine folks over at HowMuchToiletPaper.com, you can use their handy calculator to estimate how long it's going to take to wipe out Charmin Mountain. But it's true, you plug in a little info, based on how many people are in your household and how often TP is needed, and it shi... I mean, spits out a number. Other than #2.

Let's compost the facts...

Maybe I should say, let's "break down" the facts... Let's say you bought 3 cases, with 20 rolls per case, and there are 300 sheets on a roll. Putting it through the calculator says that you will have enough potty paper for 125 days. So you'll be totally solid for 4 months. Unless you're not feeling so solid, then it may go faster. Sorry...

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The real lesson here, is that toilet paper isn't going anywhere. The only reason we keep running out, is because silly people panic and put their needs before everyone else's. So if there's any kind of lesson to be learned at all, it's just to take what you need, when you need it. But that's a hard lesson for a lot of folks these days...