If Maine People Wrote the Valentine Hearts, what would They Say?

We Mainers do enjoy a good laugh.

Often at our own expense. If there's one thing Mainers have a pretty good sense of humor about, it's ourselves. We've learned over the years that we operate a little differently than everyone else. That's never a bad thing, in fact in our case it makes us fairly unique.

Some states get caught up in taking themselves way too seriously. Ever met anyone from New York City? Or Boston? Go ahead and try and poke fun at where those people live. You'll regret it every time. But around here, we take a more relaxed attitude towards life, and it's reflected in our humor.

Get our free mobile app

We Mainers also love our crappy candy.

Admit it... You love candy that no one else likes. I know people in Maine who actually enjoy banana Laffy Taffy. C'mon... It's disgusting. We also love Altoids. Not because we like fresh breath, but they're basically road snack. We love Necco Wafers... And along those lines, we enjoy a good Valentine's Day candy heart.

Yes, they are chock full of the cheesiest lines anywhere. I'm also pretty sure they haven't changed what's on them since the 70's at the very least. Maybe longer. They have this 1950's nuclear family wholesomeness to them that I can't quite put my finger on.

Now let's combine all these things and propose the idea: What if Mainers wrote what was on the candy hearts? How would we put our distinct Maine spin on them, while maintaining the integrity of the season? Well, we asked our listeners what they thought, and this is what they came up with.

So please, enjoy some of that sweet, chalky, pepto-like candy, and read along...